THE BIRD: A warning to the phantom pigeon feeder.

I’ll file this one in the Victor Meldrew deparment of sign spotting. For those who don’t recognize the name, Victor Meldrew is a British sitcom character who was constantly driven to distraction by other people’s idiocy. In the above case, the sign writer manages to succinctly project: malice (ur time is coming), sarcasm (there are no pigeons dying round here) and a direct order (!), carried off perfectly, I would say, if it was not for the fact that this sign is posted over a permanently shuttered business on one of the most depressing corners of my neighborhood in Brooklyn.

If anything, a bit of pigeon poo would liven the place up a bit.

You can really feel the frustration of the poor sign writer in this soon-to-be closed Barnes and Noble in New York’s Astor Place. It makes you wonder what he had to clean up lately—and how many times. Pissing in shitters? Yes. But shitting in pissers? Puh-lease. (Pic via BlogChelsea.)

The sign on this church in Park Slope, Brooklyn, disappeared for a while during the autumn and has recently returned. I can’t help muttering “Jesus!” under my breath each time I walk past. Since most churches in New York seem obsessed with hyperbolic signs, you have to wonder what compelled this congregation to go with something so simple. Did they feel it had all been said before ? Or is “Jesus” the ultimate marketing slogan, the theological equivalent of Nike’s swoosh and the Intel jingle?

It’s Signs of Life’s first submission! And even though it’s from my buddy William of Lowercase L, I think it still counts.

Proving that context is everything, William was on a flight from NYC to Portland when he looked out of the window and saw this strange sign. Here’s a closer look.

This church in Kensington, Brooklyn, seems to have taken preaching to a whole new level. Whatever happened to psalm quotations or the ubiquitous “Jesus Saves”?

There’s something poetic about this playground sign on Pacific Street and Third Avenue in Cobble Hill. Did the person who made the sign purposefully try to make it easy on the ear? And is there something about the ‘beat’ of the wording that makes an otherwise ordinary sign seem more attractive?

Spotted on Prospect Place and Grand Street, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn.

What is it about the American love affair with cars and car stickers? From the ubiquitous Stars and Stripes emblazoned with the slogan “These Colors Never Run” to the Bush-bashing jibes about a village in Texas missing its idiot. Why, people? Why do you need these things? Is it something to do with freedom of speech? That the car is viewed as a mobile billboard upon which you can expound (and hopefully propagate) your views? Or is it something to do with American individuality? That, god forbid, no two cars can ever be the same, and the cheapest and laziest way to personalize your vehicle is with a piece of paper and a bit of adhesive?

This is a very strong contender for “statements of the bleeding obvious.” Unless I’m missing something. “A Bible-Believing Church.” Is there really any other kind?

I love this creative window display in Mayday Hardware on Washington Avenue, Prospect Heights. Is there something of the American “can do” spirit in a sign boasting that this is just one of “the many uses of duct tape”?

This sign in a hair salon on 7th Avenue in Park Slope seems like an unusual request: a stylist with following. I can just imagine the interview:

“I see you’ve been a stylist for five years now…And would you say over that time you’ve developed a following?

…That’s great. And how big would you say your following is? Because we really are looking for someone with a sizable following to, you know, fill the place up a bit.”